Monday, January 12, 2015

To Save You is Live!

It's January 12th, and To Save You, my second book is now live! You can get it here!

I started writing this story about a month and a half ago, and I guess I wanted to incorporate a little bit of what I went through as a sixteen year old.

SPOILERS. I won't write about specifically goes on in the book, but I will write about the experiences I went through and wrote about in the book.

Depression affects millions of people everyday. I've read many stories where the guy tries to save the girl from herself, and in my story, what makes it different, is that he can't save her. Mathew admits that he can't do it alone.

I remember being sixteen, and I had spent the last few years just tangling people into my web of lies. A lot of my friends knew I hurt myself, but nobody said one thing because I had manipulated them into thinking it was nothing. I just liked cutting myself, and it relieved stress. I made them think, well, as long as she's not trying to kill herself, she's fine.

I surrounded myself with the wrong people. I was so unhappy, and there was nothing I could do to bring myself out of it sometimes.

Presley had tried to kill herself one time, but she instantly regretted doing what she did. I took that from a real life experience.

I was probably twelve or thirteen, I remember that I was in middle school. I had gotten into a fight with my mother, it was summer, and I didn't want to go back to school. I just thought everything would be better if I was gone.

I took Excedrin, these migraine pills, and I took about a third of the bottle. I laid down on my bed, ready to die. Then something clicked in my head. Dying wasn't the answer.

I started to throw it all up. It took a few days, but eventually I started to feel better. I never told anyone about my almost overdose, they just thought I was really sick. It was the scariest time of my life, and I was twelve!

Another thing I wrote about that happened in my life, it was religious parents. My parents are religious, especially my mom.

I was raised a Catholic, went to church, but around eight years old, I started to question faith. Whether you believe in God or believe in nothing, that's your choice, I won't judge you.

I felt religion was being shoved down my throat. That's when I stopped going to church, I would throw temper tantrums, and my parents would leave me at home. I know it crushed them that I was no longer going, but I had made my choice.

I know a lot of friends that have gone through this. Whether it be going through it as an eight year old, or a eighteen year old.

Now I am a healthy 19 and a half year old! (today is my half birthday)! I wrote this book as a tribute to all those broken people out there, even the healed people.

You have to fix yourself and love yourself before you can start loving anybody else. No one can save you but yourself.

I hope you guys enjoy the book, I worked really hard on it.


Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Another car incident...

It officially feels like winter. Tomorrow will be day two of severe cold conditions, everything is freezing and no one wants to even go outside to warm up their car. snowed on Monday night..I guess. I had two days off, and I usually just get as much sleep as I possibly can because I work for three days straight for seven hours every night, and then I don't go to bed until four, then I wake up early to get ready for work.

Anyway, back to my story.

I had driven to my friends house, and I realized that my car was sliding whenever I would drive over snow. This is my second year driving in the winter, and I thought "Well, I'm a pro now, I can handle everything."

HAHAHA. Big fucking mistake.

We went to the mall where I went to get my second cartilage piercing, and I was driving back to drop my friend off.

That's when everything went to shit. First of all, I could barely see in front of me because my liquid that cleans my windshield wiper was completely frozen and would only throw out small spurts of it on the windshield, not enough to clean it.

Second, I had to go through suicide circle, this roundabout where I live. I was fine, and I even made it past it before I had to do this small curved turn.

That's when I lost complete control of my car, and to be honest I don't really remember it. All I could remember was that I didn't want to hit these two poles.

There was one pole that I was trying to avoid, and while trying to avoid it, my car slid onto the curb and I almost hit the big pole, you know, the ones with all the wires coming out of it, connected to other big poles?

But my car stopped. Thank god.

I never felt such relief. Then the panic began to set in. I was not going to die, and we were fine, but now my car was stuck in the middle of a snow pile. Halfway in the snow, halfway on the street.

I thought I was going to have to call the police, get somebody to pull it out with a tow truck. We were getting ready to call my friends brother to come help us when this kind stranger came up to my window, his wife or girlfriend saw the whole thing go down.

He asked if I needed help, they had watched me struggle trying to get out of the snow pile. I was pressing the gas pedal in reverse, but my car wasn't budging.

I got out of the car, and let him figure out how to get my car out. I watched for a few minutes, and he had managed to get it halfway out, but I was still pretty stuck.

He told me to get back in my car and press the pedal in reverse and he was going to push. I did as told, and WAHLAA(?)! My car reversed out into the street.

I thanked him, and then he literally went off in his car. I wish I could have thanked him properly with like free pizza, I work in a pizzeria, or something.

That was how my Tuesday went. Now I'm sitting all cuddled up in my blankets because it's negative two outside, probably four now, and the wind chill is like negative fifteen.

I hate winter.

Stay safe out there you guys.