Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Holidays & Anxiety

Happy Holidays everyone!

I hope you're having a great time with family, and just be thankful for who you have in your life. Tell the people in your life that you love them, be thankful for what you get and make sure to put in some thought into your parents. Because it's the thought that counts, and not how much it cost.

Although the holidays are a time to be happy, I also have a message for those who struggle with them, who just get the blues or those who get anxious around this time.

Do what makes you comfortable, and whats going to let you have a good time at the family events.

I know something I've always experienced around this time is severe anxiety. 

Actually, at any family event I always suffered severe anxiety. I never wanted to say hi to family members that I didn't know.

My parents always obligated me to give a hug and a kiss, and I never felt comfortable, not even with my parents.

I don't like to be touched, hugged, or kissed on the cheek. I always felt like it invaded my space, and of course I felt horrible about it because my parents would make me feel bad for being rude.

I always felt like this whenever the thought of having to hug somebody or have a stranger touch me came to me. People need to understand this.
Credit to: JammyScribbler (DeviantArt)

But I'm going to tell you something.

It's okay if you're only okay with a wave or a handshake. Do what makes you comfortable because you're the one dealing with this.

And don't let anyone make you feel bad about it!

Make sure you guys stay safe, don't drink or drive, don't text and drive, be cautious of other drivers.

Sleep does reduce anxiety so make sure you have a good nights sleep, if you feel your anxiety begin to flare up, listen to some calming music, or anything that makes you feel calm.

If you feel like you might have a panic attack, start counting backwards from 100. Or do the five senses trick! Five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell, one thing you can taste. Name them.

If you start having a panic attack, go to a quiet room, if you need someone, ask for help. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

And if you really need to, leave the situation. Worry about yourself, not what others are going to think. It's okay to be selfish.

Happy holidays, you guys!

Love Rebeca XX

Friday, September 25, 2015

Broken Perfectly...

"When we're broken we like to believe that if maybe someone just hugs us tight enough we'd be put back together." -Rebeca Ruiz, Broken Perfectly (out soon).

As humans, we are not invincible. We are not immortal, we are just mortal. It doesn't take much to break us, and I just don't mean physically.

I am almost done writing Broken Perfectly (it finally has a title) and it has made me learn so much about myself.

Often people ask me why I have such dark writing, and if I need some mental help. Because what kind of person writes about heartbreak, or car accidents with near death experiences, or suicide, or rape victims, or death?

I write about these people because these people exist. Not just in my head but in the real world.

I know that there are people in the world going through heartbreak, dealing with a loss of a loved one, post traumatic stress disorders, depression, suicide attempts, or just surviving whatever they are going through. They are all out there.

I do my best to do my research, make sure I get everything right, making sure I get their stories right.

I have known people to suffer through depression and convince themselves that they are okay. I have known people who isolate themselves for fear of being hurt, and push people who love them away.

I have known someone to take their life because they were just so sad on the inside, I have almost been that person.

My characters thoughts sometimes come from me and what I was feeling when I was eleven until I was sixteen.

If there's something I want my readers to take from my writing is that everyone deserves a happy ending. It will come in it's own time, you just have to keep going.

It doesn't matter if you're a 'broken person' because broken people eventually find the person who will keep them together, that will help those wounds heal. Maybe it will be a boyfriend/girlfriend, maybe it will be your best friend, maybe it will be a stranger that you meet for one night.

There's no such thing as too broken in my book. You are who you are for a reason, and therefore broken perfectly.

Broken Perfectly will be out soon, it's a continuation of Broken Pleasure, Ryder and Scarlett's story. Here is a little summary, some spoilers!:

Ryder and Scarlett are both engaged. Not to each other. To other people that they have decided to commit to.

Willow's wedding is bringing up old feelings and issues that were never dealt with. Keep in mind, Scarlett is only in town for a few days, then she's running back to her home back South.

Will they finally have their happily ever after, or will more heartbreak and fear keep them apart?


Tuesday, August 18, 2015


Sometimes I think it's odd that I could spend my whole day in my room, and that I find it comforting to be alone.

If you ask my parents, I've always been an independent child. I guess independent is another word for stubborn. If I didn't want to do it, I didn't do it.

Some people may call me selfish because I won't do something unless it benefits me in some way. I think all people are like that, is there such thing as a selfless person? No. People always have a reason for doing things, whether it's to make them feel like a better person or to help them gain something.

I could go days just staying in my room, writing, listening to music, or just watching YouTube videos. Call me a hermit(?).

Over the last six years I have found myself not talking to people I used to talk to because I felt the friendship was over. I ended the friendship, broke off all contact. I believe in clean slates.

To be honest...I have less than 10 friends, that's being generous. Maybe 2 or 3 who I am extremely close to, even then not as close as the closest of friends, and the rest are acquaintances. And I am perfectly okay with that.

Being alone is something I'm good at. Nobody to be disappointed in me or have any expectations for me. I can be who I am.

This sounds a little sad. But I'm not sad. I am happy with my decisions, happy with who I am close to, and I am happy just being.

Have a great day, wherever you are.


Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Music is the reason I write.

I can remember ever since I was little that I have always loved music. I mean, who didn't?

I grew up in a Mexican household which meant music was always playing when we woke up, when we cleaned, and especially when we had social gatherings. Spanish music always has a story to tell, they were descriptive and allowed my imagination to flow.

I kind of moved away from spanish music, and I started getting into my own music. Kelly Clarkson, Britney Spears, NSYNC, and many more.

In my head, I could create stories, stories I would dream about at night. I liked to sing (even though I was terrible at it) and I liked pretending to be the lead of my stories inside my head. My imagination was wild.

The first time I wrote was after reading Twilight in middle school. I think I was in eighth grade. I wrote and wrote, at least I tried. I wrote in complete silence because that's how my neighbor wrote her amazing stories.

I wanted to write amazing stories, too. Like the ones in my head that I got while listening to music. I didn't write for a long time after that because I thought I wasn't good enough. Every story I tried to write just ended with me saving it and never looking at it again because I got blocked.

One day, while listening to Thriving Ivory, I was driving to my friends house to pick her up to go to class, I just had this story pop in my head. I remember grabbing my phone and opening the voice recording app, and I recorded myself just saying words.

I didn't really have a story. I had an idea. I still remember the words that I thought of that day. Car accident. Coma. Scarred body. College. Unhappiness. Save Me.

I could even imagine the place where the car accident happened, I had a place in my town that inspired it.

This all happened before I wrote my first book. I pushed the idea aside, and I'm glad I did because it really let me think about it for about a year. Scarlett and Ryder talked to me in dreams, they developed and finally I just had to write about them.

I wrote about them with a few songs in mind, including the song Unhappy by Thriving Ivory, one of my favorite bands.

Now I don't write without a music playlist. Music helps my imagination, it helps me write, and I absolutely love it. Sometimes I'll write a scene with one song on repeat just so I don't lose idea in my mind.

Now, talking about Scarlett and Ryder...I released Broken Pleasure last month, and I am very proud of it, though the idea of anybody reading it makes me feel ill. I did get my first review on it a few weeks ago, and you can get it here.

I hope you guys like it(:


Tuesday, July 14, 2015

A milestone...turning 20

I turned 20 this last weekend, on Sunday to be exact.

This is it.

The end of my teen years. a moment I never thought I was even going to get to.

What am I now?

I'm no longer a teen. Not technically an adult, that's 21. It's scary, now I feel like I have a bunch of things I have to get done.

Real job?

I mean, this is sort of the beginning of my life, the last 20years have all been in preparation for this.

But you know what?

Fuck it.

I'm going to do what is necessary for me to be happy. Whether that be writing or finding a great guy to be with. Whatever I need to do.

Sorry that it's been two months since I wrote anything, but I promise (like I always do lol) I'm going to do my best to write more on here.

And sorry again for the shortness of this post, promise to write more soon.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015


Music is where I get most of my inspiration. I know some writers HATE listening to music while writing because it makes them distracted, but not me.

I thrive from tunes coming from my headphones. Sometimes I just need something to keep me still long enough on my computer to actually write a scene. Other times, it just fits the plot so perfectly that it sends me into a frenzy to write before I can forget everything!

I have a playlist on my Spotify where I can just press shuffle and any music coming at me I can write to. If you would like to listen to that playlist, you can press here.

My music doesn't fit every scene I write, but it sure does keep me thinking about what could be.

Well, today I wrote this thing for my new book that's coming out July 12th! I'm using a new technique to write my book, first writing half of Scarlett's chapters, and then working on Ryders. This is what came from Ryder today:

“Well I have had to work hard in my life, it hasn’t always been kind to me.”
“Life making you go through obstacles is being kind to you because only those who struggle know true happiness.” Her eyes widened at my deep words.
“How can you have such a good outlook in life? Not every college senior has their life together like you.”
“Trust me, sweetheart, I don’t have my life together. I have a few pieces and for now I’m content with that.” I watched as she bit her bottom lip, thinking about what I’ve said.
“You should be a motivational speaker if being a surgeon doesn’t pan out.” I laugh.

“I’ll make a note of that.”

I hope you guys liked that, I know I enjoyed writing that. (:

Take care,
Rebeca x

Thursday, May 21, 2015


Twenty One Pilots released their new album Blurryface a few days early, and they did not disappoint.Twenty One Pilots released their new album Blurryface a few days early, and they did not disappoint.

Having heard of them through Tumblr back in 2012, the band intrigued me. I liked what they had out, but I somehow forgot about them, but not for long!

Vessel came out, and I absolutely loved it, again it had been though Tumblr, and Holding Onto You was just my spirit song. As I listened to every single song they ever recorded, they all were my songs. They all spoke to me in a way that I understood.

I wanted to see them live, and it finally happened in November of 2014, and it was life changing. I can only imagine how their new performances are going to be from now on with songs from Blurryface.

Now the next time they will be here in Chicago is for Lollapalooza which sold out, but I have a ticket for that Sunday, the day that they're playing and to say I'm excited would be the understatement of a century.

Now, lets talk about Blurryface. One by one as twenty one pilots released tracks to this album, my excitement increased.r, and Holding Onto You was just my spirit song. As I listened to every single song they ever recorded, they all were my songs. They all spoke to me in a way that I understood.

I wanted to see them live, and it finally happened in November of 2014, and it was life changing. I can only imagine how their new performances are going to be from now on with songs from Blurryface.

Now the next time they will be here in Chicago is for Lollapalooza which sold out, but I have a ticket for that Sunday, the day that they're playing and to say I'm excited would be the understatement of a century.

Now, lets talk about Blurryface. One by one as twenty one pilots released tracks to this album, my excitement increased.

(I could never choose a favorite song, but I will choose my favorite line(s) from the songs)

First it was Fairly Local. ASDFGHJKL; Favorite Line: 
I’m evil to the core
What I shouldn't do I will
They say I’m emotional
What I wanna save I’ll kill

Then it was Tear in My Heart. Favorite line: But my taste in music is your face

They were complete opposites! I'm sure most of the fandom did not know what to expect, but with past albums, not every song sounded alike, each song was its own.

Stressed Out, do not even get me started on that song! Favorite Line(s):
We used to play pretend, give each other different names,
We would build a rocket ship and then we’d fly it far away,
Used to dream of outer space but now they’re laughing at our face,
Saying, "Wake up, you need to make money."

Lane Boy, Favorite Line: 
All these songs I'm hearing are so heartless
Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless

Ride, this song just hit home, Favorite Line:
I'd live for you, and that's hard to do
Even harder to say when you know it's not true

I've been thinking too much
Help me

Heavydirtysoul, Favorite Lines:

This is not rap, this is not hip-hop
Just another attempt to make the voices stop
Rapping to prove nothing, just writing to say something
Cause I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t rushing to say nothing
This doesn’t mean I lost my dream
It’s just right now I got a really crazy mind to clean

The Judge, this was very hard to choose a line for, Favorite Lines:
I don't know if this song
Is a surrender or a revel
I don't know if this one
Is about me or the devil

So I head out
Down a route I think is heading south
But I'm not good with directions
And I hide behind my mouth
I'm a pro at imperfections
And I'm best friends with my doubt
And now that my mind's out
And now I hear it clear and loud
I'm thinking, "Wow
I probably should've stayed inside my house."

Doubt, Favorite Line:
Fear might be the death of me
Fear leads to anxiety
Don't know what's inside of me

Polarize, Favorite Line:
Domingo en fuego
I think I lost my halo
I don't know where you are
You'll have to come and find me, find me

I wanted to be a better brother, better son

We Don't Believe What's on TV, Favorite Lines:
I used to say I wanna die before I'm old
But because of you I might think twice

Don't want to know who I would be
When I wake up from a dreamer's sleep

Message Man, Favorite Lines:
You don't know my brain
The way you know my name
You don't know my heart
The way you know my face

Please use discretion when you're messing with the message man
These lyrics aren't for everyone
Only few understand

Hometown, Favorite Line:
Where we're from, we're no one
Our hometown's in the dark

Not Today, Favorite Lines:
Listen, I know
This one's a contradiction because of how happy it sounds
But the lyrics are so down
It's okay though
Because it represents, wait, better yet it is
Who I feel I am right now

You are out of my mind,
You aren't seeing my side,
You waste all of this time trying to get to me
But you are out of my mind

Goner, the song I have been waiting for, Favorite Lines:
I'm a goner
Somebody catch my breath
I wanna be known by you

Though I'm weak, beaten down
I'll slip away into the sound
The ghost of you is close to me
I'm inside out you're underneath

Don't let me be gone

I hope you guys enjoyed this post about my favorite band, twenty one pilots, one that has truly changed my life. 
Love you guys,
Rebeca x

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

I'm stuck...

I've been in a rut since maybe January.

I don't know why, but sometimes I get into periods of my life when I can't read or write, and I feel mentally blocked. I know that i just need something to get me out of it...

Broken Pleasure is that thing...

What is it?

Well, it's an idea I've had for over a year. The idea I first got when I was driving through this loopy road to get to school.

I thought, what if I got into a car accident here? I held onto my steering wheel a little bit tighter so I could have full control.

But I thought about it? What would happen if a car hit mine? What if I had my best friend in the car? What would happen to us? The driver?

I could imagine the story line, and I wrote it down in a notebook. Now here we are one year later, and I'm a third way done with it.

Writing a book is hard, but this story just naturally comes out. I love the characters I've chosen, Ryder and Lottie, and their friends. I love the plot, and the truth to it.

Sometimes people get into horrific accidents and they survive. They're called miracles. It was a miracle that they did not die.

Scarlett, aka Lottie, does not see it that way. She may have survived but did she really? Her body is full of physical scars, her mind full of mental ones? Her friend? She can't even function anymore, and the man who hit them? He's in a coma.

Ryder is an athlete, the very thing Lottie wishes she could be, but running causes still too much pain, and she'd rather tend to others wounds as a soon to be nurse, but for now as a athletic trainer.

They're so alike but opposites in so many ways, is there any way this relationship could even work? I don't know, that's my answer. I'm still trying to figure it out and it's exciting, what I'm writing now has me jumping and dreaming about what could be, but there is also heartbreak.

It comes out July 12th, 2015, on Kindle Amazon, and I hope ya'll preorder it (: If you do, feel free to tell me!
Love you all,


Monday, April 6, 2015

Inside the mind of a hypochondriac...

When I was fourteen, I started experiencing sharp pains in my stomach. Little did I know, that pain would change my life as I would not be diagnosed for another two years.

For a year, I'd get the pains, and the time between them would be closer and closer. All my doctor said was to record when they would happen.
I still remember the routine in which they came. I would eat dinner, around 4 in the afternoon, and I would have a night time snack so I could go to bed around ten or so. That's the routine I had growing up, eat when you get home, eat before you go to sleep. The snacks at night would usually be milk, coffee (it made me tired instead of energetic), and cookies or bread to dip in our drinks.
Dinner was whatever my mom made, which was Mexican food, since we were Mexican.
So I'd go to bed, and I would wake up in a night sweat, and in severe pain, right where my sternum ends. Every night like clockwork. It was get pain, stay awake for a few hours holding myself, trying not to cry, and then forcing myself to go to the bathroom and puke. Then I'd cry myself to sleep, the pain would cease then.

The doctor looked at my notes, and just wrote it off as heartburn. They gave me some heartburn medicine that did nothing. I went back after a month, like she said, and she accused me of not giving the medicine a chance.

Take in mind that I was fourteen, this pain was a stabbing pain, when I had it, I could not move if I tried. I may not have been a doctor, but I'm sure heartburn doesn't make you want to die. It sounds drastic, but that's how I felt. I begged God, or whoever was listening, to take my life because it hurt so bad and it was so constant. I get sad thinking about it now, but it's true.

The doctor would give me medicine, tell me to lose weight, tell me to suck it up, recommended I avoid certain foods. I took the medicine, I avoided all foods, water gave me pain as well, I was losing weight quickly because I wasn't eating.

If I did eat, I would sit in a chair, straight up, for hours. I wouldn't move. I wouldn't sleep until it had been at least four hours since my last meal. That helped. Sort of.

Finally, my doctor referred me to a gastroenterologist, a doctor who specializes in the gut or whatever. She scheduled me for a endoscopy soon after I finished my freshman year of high school, and by then I was taking antacids by the handful, ibuprofen, Maalox, and Tums were my best friends at night.

After the endoscopy, they told me they saw a little inflammation, but nothing to be worried about. The surgery triggered something inside of me, and I felt okay. I felt amazing. I was still afraid to eat or even nibble on food, but the pain stopped.

But as I went back into my old routine, the pain came back in a few months. It felt almost worst. I would crawl in a fetal position, I would be falling asleep in classes or at home on a chair. I started losing more weight, I couldn't wear tight clothes, it triggered it. Everything irritated my stomach, exercise, food, and even the medicine I was taking.

By this time, the ER had seen me so many times in a month. I could tell they were sick of me. They kept telling me I had GERD, also known as heartburn. Nothing was working, I would cry at the hospital, I felt like no one believed me, at one point they thought I was pregnant, another time, I had a full blown panic attack, I couldn't sit still, I couldn't breathe, and they did an EKG cause they thought I could be having a heart attack.

The doctors weren't helping, so I looked on the internet. That's when I guess I started to become a hypochondriac, I couldn't take it not knowing what I had. I started thinking I had cancer or appendicitis or liver failure, I definitely thought I had pancreatic cancer, I even started making plans for when I died.

It was scary, and one day after school, the second week of school during my junior year, I had some Mexican food because my stomach was starving, I had had pain all week at night, but I was just really hungry.

It was about an hour later when I started to feel the familiar pain. I had this chair that I could curl up and sleep on, and on my table I had ibuprofen, I was up to eight a night, Maalox and the tums, oh and a big bottle of water.

I kept passing out from weakness, two hours after I ate, I threw up everything. Even though that usually helped, it didn't that time.

It was six in the morning, after a restless night of passing out from the pain and weakness and hunger, I stopped my dad before he could go to work. I had to go to the hospital. I had never had the pain last over three hours, and now I was going on thirteen hours.

The ER was empty, took them five minutes before they called my name. My blood pressure was low, I was pale, and cold.

As soon as I had an ultrasound to see if I had appendicitis or gallstones, they gave me the great stuff. Morphine. The pain was numb, and I slept for an hour before they told me I had gallstones and I needed my gallbladder taken out some time in the near future. That it could wait until I had a break in school.

Then they kicked me out and sent me home, with another prescription for heartburn. TO HELP they said.

I made it home, and an hour later, I couldn't take it. The pain had come back, but my dad had gone to work and my mom didn't drive, so I had to wait for him to get back around four o'clock. The pain was so bad, I almost called 911, but I forced myself to wait.

And when we got to the emergency room, it was packed. It was four hours before they took me in. I was shaking severely, and crying for those four hours, begging for them to take me in, but all they did was give me a blanket.

Finally around eight, I was taken into a room, where they told me I would be having surgery later that week. I got my gallbladder taken out two days after that, and according to the doctor and the pictures, they were the size of golfballs. My laparoscopic surgery ended up with me having to be opened, and I cried after, and not because of the pain.

I felt that my doctors had failed me, and wrote me off. They could have caught it earlier, and now I can't trust them.

I avoid doctors at all costs. It's been a while since I've been to one, and to be honest, I'd rather google a symptom than go to their office.

After my surgery, I started to Google every symptom whenever I had any. Whether it was a simple cold or I sneezed weird.

My two year illness took such a severe toll on me. I tear up whenever i think about it. It's sad.

My parents always write me off whenever I feel sick. They think it's all in my head, and it is. I know that it is.

When I get a headache, or a migraine, I start thinking I have a brain tumor. If I find a new freckle on my body, I think I have skin cancer. If my stomach is upset, I obsess over what I ate. Sometimes I think I'm having a heart attack when I have a panic attack over my breathing.

I know that I over think of what I can have. Right now, I think I have cancer, but I'm too afraid to go to the doctor for fear that they won't believe me. I have to talk myself down because living in fear is not fun.

I lay awake at night feeling my chest for bumps in case of breast cancer, and I cry. I'm afraid of accidentally looking over a symptom. I google every health related way I could die at the age of 19.

It's hard. People make fun of me when I get frazzled talking about my health, they think it's funny that I think I'm going to die because of a spot or a headache. It's terrifying to think that I'm going to die.

I wasn't like this before my health scare. Through therapy I've noted that I have OCD tendencies, and that made me susceptible to hypochondria. There are articles about this, maybe I have it, maybe I don't. Hypochondria is hard to have because it's hard to believe yourself.

I don't know...
I just felt like I had to write this post. Maybe it will help some of you. Maybe it won't. Let me know in the comments, or shoot me a message. I'll gladly respond.

Monday, January 12, 2015

To Save You is Live!

It's January 12th, and To Save You, my second book is now live! You can get it here!

I started writing this story about a month and a half ago, and I guess I wanted to incorporate a little bit of what I went through as a sixteen year old.

SPOILERS. I won't write about specifically goes on in the book, but I will write about the experiences I went through and wrote about in the book.

Depression affects millions of people everyday. I've read many stories where the guy tries to save the girl from herself, and in my story, what makes it different, is that he can't save her. Mathew admits that he can't do it alone.

I remember being sixteen, and I had spent the last few years just tangling people into my web of lies. A lot of my friends knew I hurt myself, but nobody said one thing because I had manipulated them into thinking it was nothing. I just liked cutting myself, and it relieved stress. I made them think, well, as long as she's not trying to kill herself, she's fine.

I surrounded myself with the wrong people. I was so unhappy, and there was nothing I could do to bring myself out of it sometimes.

Presley had tried to kill herself one time, but she instantly regretted doing what she did. I took that from a real life experience.

I was probably twelve or thirteen, I remember that I was in middle school. I had gotten into a fight with my mother, it was summer, and I didn't want to go back to school. I just thought everything would be better if I was gone.

I took Excedrin, these migraine pills, and I took about a third of the bottle. I laid down on my bed, ready to die. Then something clicked in my head. Dying wasn't the answer.

I started to throw it all up. It took a few days, but eventually I started to feel better. I never told anyone about my almost overdose, they just thought I was really sick. It was the scariest time of my life, and I was twelve!

Another thing I wrote about that happened in my life, it was religious parents. My parents are religious, especially my mom.

I was raised a Catholic, went to church, but around eight years old, I started to question faith. Whether you believe in God or believe in nothing, that's your choice, I won't judge you.

I felt religion was being shoved down my throat. That's when I stopped going to church, I would throw temper tantrums, and my parents would leave me at home. I know it crushed them that I was no longer going, but I had made my choice.

I know a lot of friends that have gone through this. Whether it be going through it as an eight year old, or a eighteen year old.

Now I am a healthy 19 and a half year old! (today is my half birthday)! I wrote this book as a tribute to all those broken people out there, even the healed people.

You have to fix yourself and love yourself before you can start loving anybody else. No one can save you but yourself.

I hope you guys enjoy the book, I worked really hard on it.


Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Another car incident...

It officially feels like winter. Tomorrow will be day two of severe cold conditions, everything is freezing and no one wants to even go outside to warm up their car. snowed on Monday night..I guess. I had two days off, and I usually just get as much sleep as I possibly can because I work for three days straight for seven hours every night, and then I don't go to bed until four, then I wake up early to get ready for work.

Anyway, back to my story.

I had driven to my friends house, and I realized that my car was sliding whenever I would drive over snow. This is my second year driving in the winter, and I thought "Well, I'm a pro now, I can handle everything."

HAHAHA. Big fucking mistake.

We went to the mall where I went to get my second cartilage piercing, and I was driving back to drop my friend off.

That's when everything went to shit. First of all, I could barely see in front of me because my liquid that cleans my windshield wiper was completely frozen and would only throw out small spurts of it on the windshield, not enough to clean it.

Second, I had to go through suicide circle, this roundabout where I live. I was fine, and I even made it past it before I had to do this small curved turn.

That's when I lost complete control of my car, and to be honest I don't really remember it. All I could remember was that I didn't want to hit these two poles.

There was one pole that I was trying to avoid, and while trying to avoid it, my car slid onto the curb and I almost hit the big pole, you know, the ones with all the wires coming out of it, connected to other big poles?

But my car stopped. Thank god.

I never felt such relief. Then the panic began to set in. I was not going to die, and we were fine, but now my car was stuck in the middle of a snow pile. Halfway in the snow, halfway on the street.

I thought I was going to have to call the police, get somebody to pull it out with a tow truck. We were getting ready to call my friends brother to come help us when this kind stranger came up to my window, his wife or girlfriend saw the whole thing go down.

He asked if I needed help, they had watched me struggle trying to get out of the snow pile. I was pressing the gas pedal in reverse, but my car wasn't budging.

I got out of the car, and let him figure out how to get my car out. I watched for a few minutes, and he had managed to get it halfway out, but I was still pretty stuck.

He told me to get back in my car and press the pedal in reverse and he was going to push. I did as told, and WAHLAA(?)! My car reversed out into the street.

I thanked him, and then he literally went off in his car. I wish I could have thanked him properly with like free pizza, I work in a pizzeria, or something.

That was how my Tuesday went. Now I'm sitting all cuddled up in my blankets because it's negative two outside, probably four now, and the wind chill is like negative fifteen.

I hate winter.

Stay safe out there you guys.