2016 & Resolutions.

Hello Everyone! It's the second day of 2016. Which is insane because I could have sworn we were just starting 2015!

Here's a recap on what happened in 2015 for me:

• I got promoted at work (Many raises$$(I love my job, don't just do it for the money))
• Released my second book called To Save You!
• Did taxes for the first time by myself!
• Bought my first Polaroid (:
• Had a new niece named Vanessa!
• Saw and met Halsey! Along with camped out on the freezing ground and also saw Sam Miller from Paradise Fears there.
• Became obsessed with the sky. Check out my instagram for the pictures I manage to capture!
• Got my first tattoo!! They're blackbirds, maybe I'll write a post about them soon and what they mean to me. (:
• Turned 20! And had a lot of fun on my birthday with friends and family<3
• Had a fun day playing with my coworkers when the power went out. Which included singing, playing soccer, throwing a football, and drinking Slushees.
• Wrote my third book.
• Released my third book called Broken Pleasure!
• Got my first review!
• Wrote my fourth book.
• Released the fourth book! It's called Broken Perfectly!
• Became friends with authors<3
• Read some really good books! Which I will also be making a post about my favorites.
• Was a Zombie for halloween!
• Opened the store for the first time by myself!
• Started writing my fifth book!(;

Now it's 2016 which means another 366(Leap year) days for 366 new adventures. Not every single day will be exciting, but I will do my best to keep to my resolutions, and have fun, and not stress out as much.

Here are some of my resolutions for the new year!:

• Give up soda entirely. Not caffeine, I can't do it without my occasional teas, plus I don't drink coffee or energy drinks because it makes my stomach upset.
• Start a YouTube channel where I want to weekly vlog.
• Get more people to notice my writing.
• Release a thriller/mystery novel.
• Travel to New York and LA, or Oregon, or Seattle. Maybe even Utah. Or the UK. Just travel! Already planning a trip for my 21st birthday in July!
• Get a new car! It can be used, but just something a little better than my 2000 Ford Focus that is always breaking down and has trouble on the snow.
• Go to a book convention!
• Create more connections in the book world.
• Take a road trip.
• Take more photos of the sky!
• Take photos when I'm with friends, family, or just alone. Take photos and document this year.
• Love.
• Be Happy.
• Be more charitable (already have a few plans for that).
• Be present.
• Eat healthier.
• Give up fast food entirely by the end of the year. Or make it only a treat like one a month.
• Try new foods. I took this quiz on buzzfeed, and I only eat 30 of the 90 foods listed. I am the pickiest of eaters.
• Say yes!
• Keep my car clean.
• Do one thing that scares me everyday.
• Get help for my anxiety.
• Write a few more novels.
• Save money.

And the last thing is a resolution many people have. To exercise. To lose weight.

I am currently very unhappy with the way I look, and with what I weigh. My eating habits are horrendous from barely eating one day to binging the next. And it doesn't make me feel good and I'm sick.
Literally sick. All the time. I can pretend I'm fine, but I can feel my health declining and it's not a good feeling.
I've been a member at a gym for the last six months, but have only gone once. And I was in the hospital yesterday. Since april, I've lost six pounds. Not a lot, nothing at all, but it kind of gave me the push, and the will to say...I can do this.
I want to lose 100 pounds by the end of the year. Thats 365 days from now. I won't beat myself up if I don't make it there. If I can get to under 200 pounds, I will be happy with myself because it's been 3 years since I was that weight.
It's time to put my gym membership to good use. Time to face reality. Time to make some progress, and just stop putting it off and lying to myself.

Anyway, I hope you guys had a good start to the New Year. Make the best of it. <3

-Rebeca xx

To Save You is Live!

It's January 12th, and To Save You, my second book is now live! You can get it here!

I started writing this story about a month and a half ago, and I guess I wanted to incorporate a little bit of what I went through as a sixteen year old.

SPOILERS. I won't write about specifically goes on in the book, but I will write about the experiences I went through and wrote about in the book.

Depression affects millions of people everyday. I've read many stories where the guy tries to save the girl from herself, and in my story, what makes it different, is that he can't save her. Mathew admits that he can't do it alone.

I remember being sixteen, and I had spent the last few years just tangling people into my web of lies. A lot of my friends knew I hurt myself, but nobody said one thing because I had manipulated them into thinking it was nothing. I just liked cutting myself, and it relieved stress. I made them think, well, as long as she's not trying to kill herself, she's fine.

I surrounded myself with the wrong people. I was so unhappy, and there was nothing I could do to bring myself out of it sometimes.

Presley had tried to kill herself one time, but she instantly regretted doing what she did. I took that from a real life experience.

I was probably twelve or thirteen, I remember that I was in middle school. I had gotten into a fight with my mother, it was summer, and I didn't want to go back to school. I just thought everything would be better if I was gone.

I took Excedrin, these migraine pills, and I took about a third of the bottle. I laid down on my bed, ready to die. Then something clicked in my head. Dying wasn't the answer.

I started to throw it all up. It took a few days, but eventually I started to feel better. I never told anyone about my almost overdose, they just thought I was really sick. It was the scariest time of my life, and I was twelve!

Another thing I wrote about that happened in my life, it was religious parents. My parents are religious, especially my mom.

I was raised a Catholic, went to church, but around eight years old, I started to question faith. Whether you believe in God or believe in nothing, that's your choice, I won't judge you.

I felt religion was being shoved down my throat. That's when I stopped going to church, I would throw temper tantrums, and my parents would leave me at home. I know it crushed them that I was no longer going, but I had made my choice.

I know a lot of friends that have gone through this. Whether it be going through it as an eight year old, or a eighteen year old.

Now I am a healthy 19 and a half year old! (today is my half birthday)! I wrote this book as a tribute to all those broken people out there, even the healed people.

You have to fix yourself and love yourself before you can start loving anybody else. No one can save you but yourself.

I hope you guys enjoy the book, I worked really hard on it.

xxRebeca

World Suicide Prevention Day

"Scars remind us of where we've been, they don't have to dictate where we're going." -Agent Rossi, Criminal Minds.


Ever since I was little, I knew I was different. I saw the world differently than others. My world was often dark and I often felt alone.

It wasn't until I was sixteen that I was diagnosed. Bipolar 1. I thought, they had to be mistaken, there's no way I have Bipolar disorder. But all of a sudden, all the dots started to connect...

All those school nights that I ended up pulling all nighters and I didn't know why, it just felt like a good idea and that I was invincible, no sleep would make me think better and be better in class(ideas that didn't make sense). The days were my mind would race, and I couldn't stay still, or when I would talk and suddenly jump into a whole other conversation without taking a breath or realizing I was changing the conversation. Not being able to stay friends with people because all of a sudden, they became the most annoying person to me and I didn't need them, even though they did nothing to me. Anger coming and going quicker than I could blink.

And the crash...
The depression. The moment when things stopped making sense. When I felt this cloud of pure darkness come over me. I didn't want to leave my room. I didn't want to talk to people. I constantly felt like crying and I didn't know why. These were the moments when I felt like hurting myself, whether that be self-harm or suicidal ideations.

People always tell me, "Rebeca, you don't seem like the person who would be depressed. That's not who you are."
I think most of high school, I was able to cover it up real good. I think a lot of people are good at hiding their disease, that's why it comes such a shock to us when someone commits suicide.

The thing you have to know about Bipolar disorder is that we don't always get these "episodes." As I've gotten older and gotten help, these episodes became less and less, and I'm happier. I'm glad I got help three years ago.

Today is Suicide Awareness Day. The reason I wanted to tell my story is because mental illness and suicide go hand in hand.

• A significant number of those with mental illnesses who die by suicide do not contact health or social services near the time of their death. In many instances, there are insufficient services available to assist those in need at times of crisis. (IASP)
• Unless stigma is confronted and challenged, it will continue to be a major barrier to the treatment of mental illnesses and to the prevention of suicide.
• Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in the world, especially among young people.
• Suicide accounts for one death every 40 seconds.

Suicides happen every day. They affect us all. We lose the people we love and cherish, and it kills us inside because we constantly think about what we could have done to help.

Here are some signs from Save.org that someone you know and love may be thinking about suicide:

Warning Signs of Suicide

These signs may mean someone is at risk for suicide. Risk is greater if a behavior is new or has increased and if it seems related to a painful event, loss or change.

• Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself.
• Looking for a way to kill oneself, such as searching online or buying a gun.
• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
• Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
• Talking about being a burden to others.
• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
• Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly.
• Sleeping too little or too much.
• Withdrawn or feeling isolated.
• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
• Displaying extreme mood swings.

Additional Warning Signs of Suicide

• Preoccupation with death.
• Suddenly happier, calmer.
• Loss of interest in things one cares about.
• Visiting or calling people to say goodbye.
• Making arrangements; setting one's affairs in order.
• Giving things away, such as prized possessions.

This is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (US)-  1-800-273-TALK (8255)

To Write Love On Her Arms has a wonderful campaign going on right now, and I highly support them. It's called No One Else Can Play Your Part. 

You can watch the video they did here.

The reason I wrote this blogpost is because I want people to know they're not alone, and it's never too late to get help and recover. You are in this world for a reason.

Live and love you guys.

-Rebeca