2016 & Resolutions.

Hello Everyone! It's the second day of 2016. Which is insane because I could have sworn we were just starting 2015!

Here's a recap on what happened in 2015 for me:

• I got promoted at work (Many raises$$(I love my job, don't just do it for the money))
• Released my second book called To Save You!
• Did taxes for the first time by myself!
• Bought my first Polaroid (:
• Had a new niece named Vanessa!
• Saw and met Halsey! Along with camped out on the freezing ground and also saw Sam Miller from Paradise Fears there.
• Became obsessed with the sky. Check out my instagram for the pictures I manage to capture!
• Got my first tattoo!! They're blackbirds, maybe I'll write a post about them soon and what they mean to me. (:
• Turned 20! And had a lot of fun on my birthday with friends and family<3
• Had a fun day playing with my coworkers when the power went out. Which included singing, playing soccer, throwing a football, and drinking Slushees.
• Wrote my third book.
• Released my third book called Broken Pleasure!
• Got my first review!
• Wrote my fourth book.
• Released the fourth book! It's called Broken Perfectly!
• Became friends with authors<3
• Read some really good books! Which I will also be making a post about my favorites.
• Was a Zombie for halloween!
• Opened the store for the first time by myself!
• Started writing my fifth book!(;

Now it's 2016 which means another 366(Leap year) days for 366 new adventures. Not every single day will be exciting, but I will do my best to keep to my resolutions, and have fun, and not stress out as much.

Here are some of my resolutions for the new year!:

• Give up soda entirely. Not caffeine, I can't do it without my occasional teas, plus I don't drink coffee or energy drinks because it makes my stomach upset.
• Start a YouTube channel where I want to weekly vlog.
• Get more people to notice my writing.
• Release a thriller/mystery novel.
• Travel to New York and LA, or Oregon, or Seattle. Maybe even Utah. Or the UK. Just travel! Already planning a trip for my 21st birthday in July!
• Get a new car! It can be used, but just something a little better than my 2000 Ford Focus that is always breaking down and has trouble on the snow.
• Go to a book convention!
• Create more connections in the book world.
• Take a road trip.
• Take more photos of the sky!
• Take photos when I'm with friends, family, or just alone. Take photos and document this year.
• Love.
• Be Happy.
• Be more charitable (already have a few plans for that).
• Be present.
• Eat healthier.
• Give up fast food entirely by the end of the year. Or make it only a treat like one a month.
• Try new foods. I took this quiz on buzzfeed, and I only eat 30 of the 90 foods listed. I am the pickiest of eaters.
• Say yes!
• Keep my car clean.
• Do one thing that scares me everyday.
• Get help for my anxiety.
• Write a few more novels.
• Save money.

And the last thing is a resolution many people have. To exercise. To lose weight.

I am currently very unhappy with the way I look, and with what I weigh. My eating habits are horrendous from barely eating one day to binging the next. And it doesn't make me feel good and I'm sick.
Literally sick. All the time. I can pretend I'm fine, but I can feel my health declining and it's not a good feeling.
I've been a member at a gym for the last six months, but have only gone once. And I was in the hospital yesterday. Since april, I've lost six pounds. Not a lot, nothing at all, but it kind of gave me the push, and the will to say...I can do this.
I want to lose 100 pounds by the end of the year. Thats 365 days from now. I won't beat myself up if I don't make it there. If I can get to under 200 pounds, I will be happy with myself because it's been 3 years since I was that weight.
It's time to put my gym membership to good use. Time to face reality. Time to make some progress, and just stop putting it off and lying to myself.

Anyway, I hope you guys had a good start to the New Year. Make the best of it. <3

-Rebeca xx

A milestone...turning 20

I turned 20 this last weekend, on Sunday to be exact.

This is it.

The end of my teen years. a moment I never thought I was even going to get to.

What am I now?

I'm no longer a teen. Not technically an adult, that's 21. It's scary, now I feel like I have a bunch of things I have to get done.

Boyfriend?
Marriage?
Children?
Real job?

I mean, this is sort of the beginning of my life, the last 20years have all been in preparation for this.

But you know what?

Fuck it.

I'm going to do what is necessary for me to be happy. Whether that be writing or finding a great guy to be with. Whatever I need to do.

Sorry that it's been two months since I wrote anything, but I promise (like I always do lol) I'm going to do my best to write more on here.

And sorry again for the shortness of this post, promise to write more soon.

To Save You is Live!

It's January 12th, and To Save You, my second book is now live! You can get it here!

I started writing this story about a month and a half ago, and I guess I wanted to incorporate a little bit of what I went through as a sixteen year old.

SPOILERS. I won't write about specifically goes on in the book, but I will write about the experiences I went through and wrote about in the book.

Depression affects millions of people everyday. I've read many stories where the guy tries to save the girl from herself, and in my story, what makes it different, is that he can't save her. Mathew admits that he can't do it alone.

I remember being sixteen, and I had spent the last few years just tangling people into my web of lies. A lot of my friends knew I hurt myself, but nobody said one thing because I had manipulated them into thinking it was nothing. I just liked cutting myself, and it relieved stress. I made them think, well, as long as she's not trying to kill herself, she's fine.

I surrounded myself with the wrong people. I was so unhappy, and there was nothing I could do to bring myself out of it sometimes.

Presley had tried to kill herself one time, but she instantly regretted doing what she did. I took that from a real life experience.

I was probably twelve or thirteen, I remember that I was in middle school. I had gotten into a fight with my mother, it was summer, and I didn't want to go back to school. I just thought everything would be better if I was gone.

I took Excedrin, these migraine pills, and I took about a third of the bottle. I laid down on my bed, ready to die. Then something clicked in my head. Dying wasn't the answer.

I started to throw it all up. It took a few days, but eventually I started to feel better. I never told anyone about my almost overdose, they just thought I was really sick. It was the scariest time of my life, and I was twelve!

Another thing I wrote about that happened in my life, it was religious parents. My parents are religious, especially my mom.

I was raised a Catholic, went to church, but around eight years old, I started to question faith. Whether you believe in God or believe in nothing, that's your choice, I won't judge you.

I felt religion was being shoved down my throat. That's when I stopped going to church, I would throw temper tantrums, and my parents would leave me at home. I know it crushed them that I was no longer going, but I had made my choice.

I know a lot of friends that have gone through this. Whether it be going through it as an eight year old, or a eighteen year old.

Now I am a healthy 19 and a half year old! (today is my half birthday)! I wrote this book as a tribute to all those broken people out there, even the healed people.

You have to fix yourself and love yourself before you can start loving anybody else. No one can save you but yourself.

I hope you guys enjoy the book, I worked really hard on it.

xxRebeca

My First Car Accident.

I've been driving with a license for almost a year. Not once had I ever gotten into an accident while driving, I am the most careful driver ever. I pull over if I need to call someone or text, or I wait until a red light to take a bite of my food. I am the driver that lets people pass and I follow the speed limit, and I never tailgate.
I often drop my sister off at school and today I decided to take the long way back since the parking lot was full with parents who were in a hurry, and weren't going to let me turn a certain direction because of the long line.
I live right next to the school, and I ended up right in front of the biggest parking lot, and they stop traffic there to allow cars to come in and out. The police handle the traffic there especially because a lot of kids walk to school.
I took my sausage mcmuffin out of the bag and I took two bites. I put it down on the seat and was getting ready to start going, the car in front of me was being a bit slow. When suddenly, I felt my car get hit, and my car moved forward along with my body.
It took me a second to realize that I'd just been hit from behind, and I wasn't sure if the person who hit me had been hit as well, and it had become a domino effect or what. I was so angry and I was afraid. I was getting ready to get out and yell at the person, but cars started to beep, so I turned into the school parking lot and had the guy follow me.
Once parked, I realized that it was a high school kid. A junior (he was wearing class colors, juniors are yellow). He looked mortified and I realized that he was just scared like I was. I calmed down and I got out of my car.
I looked at my car, terrified of what I would see, but thankfully it was only a scratch on the paint job, no dent or anything. I didn't even care about the scratch, my bumper paint has been coming off, so I could care less.
he asked me if I was fine, and I was just shaken up like he was. I got his information, and he asked me if I wanted to call the police. I thought, for what? It was a scratch and we're both fine. I told him it was okay, but I had to talk to my dad because I needed to know what he wanted me to do and I had his information in case I wanted to file a police report later.
My dad said as long as I got his information, and the car was fine and I was fine, there was no need to call the police.
So I let the kid go, but not before I asked him what happened, and why did he bump into my car? He seemed to get a bit nervous, and I had a feeling I knew why. He said he moved his foot off the brake, and didn't realize it because he was trying to find a way into the parking lot.
He got distracted.
We all get distracted. We're all human and we make mistakes I understand that. But distracted driving accounts for a lot of accidents nowadays. Check out these statistics I got from Distraction.gov

Distracted driving is any activity that could divert a person's attention away from the primary task of driving. All distractions endanger driver, passenger, and bystander safety. These types of distractions include:

• Texting
• Using a cell phone or smartphone
• Eating and drinking
• Talking to passengers
• Grooming
• Reading, including maps
• Using a navigation system
• Watching a video
• Adjusting a radio, CD player, or MP3 player

In 2012, An estimated 421,000 people were injured in motor vehicle crashes involving a distracted drive.
But, because text messaging requires visual, manual, and cognitive attention from the driver, it is by far the most alarming distraction.

Five seconds is the average time your eyes are off the road while texting. When traveling at 55mph, that's enough time to cover the length of a football field blindfolded.

That last statistic is the one that scares me the most. The fact that people text and drive, is just completely terrifying for me.
When I drive, I put my phone in my bag on the passenger seat. I know there are apps that stop you from texting and driving, and now the insurance companies have rules about it, and also it is very illegal (at least in Illinois) to be on your phone while driving.
There are also many organizations that bring awareness to what texting and driving can do. A text is not worth your life. The text can wait. Please think about it the next time you get a text while driving, don't look at your phone.
- Rebeca x

Sexual assault is not okay.

There has been buzz going around Sam Pepper's latest video (which has now been taken down from YouTube). If you didn't see the video, it is of Sam Pepper, pretending to have his hands in his pockets (has a big hoodie on) and when the girl turns around to give him directions, he pinches their butts and pretends it's not him.
The girls look confused and a bit horrified that someone touched them, I know I would be. Some of them laugh it off, but you could see that they were clearly uncomfortable. Those advances were unwanted.
Some people bring up the point that the girls laughed, they understood it was a joke, and obviously they were okay with it. Laughing about it doesn't mean anything! I laugh at the most inappropriate times, and I laugh when I am uncomfortable. Laughing doesn't mean that it was okay to do that to someone.
Sam Pepper has 2.4 MILLION subscribers, and unfortunately this isn't the first time he sexually harasses someone on camera in public. There have been kissing "pranks", lasso "pranks". Notice I put prank in quotation marks because it's not a prank. It isn't funny to the victims of his pranks.
Sex Educator Laci Green wrote an open letter to Sam Pepper, and many fellow YouTuber's responded, wanting to be a part of it. The community has spoken that this is not okay for people to do and make a profit from.
If you want to read the letter, you can press right here. Over 60+ YouTubers have signed this letter addressing Sam, and there have been over 80K reblogs on Tumblr. Sam Pepper is now disinvited from VidCon and Playlist Live.
There have been video responses like JamesChats (he does a great job addressing this) and many more calling Sam out, and I am glad because he should never be able to get away with this, no one in general should EVER get away with it.
If you are a victim of sexual assault, report it or talk to someone, I highly encourage you. It is never okay for someone to touch you without your consent, you are a person and you have rights.
Thanks for reading this guys, Go TEAM INTERNET!
-Rebeca x

50 Facts About Me

Good afternoon readers!
It's Sunday and I've spent half my day just watching YouTube videos, and I was trying to think of an idea for a blog post. Finally, I managed to get to Katie Joslin's YouTube and I saw she recently posted a video listing 50 facts about herself, and I thought it would be a fun way to get to know me! Do subscribe to Katie, she is awesome and I really love her channel!
Enjoy!

1. My name is Rebeca
2. I'm 19
3. I graduated high school in 2013
4. I used to be part of a social media street team called the A-Team (not named after Ed Sheeran's song). I would spend countless hours tweeting and spreading word of upcoming artists, and it's where I met some of my closest friends (TOMI)
5. When I was in 6th grade I won tickets to a Chris Brown concert and I went even though I did not know more than three songs of his.
6. In January, I won tickets to see Fall Out Boy and Paramore in concert, it was amazing cause it was like a birthday present since my birthday was the next day after the concert.
7. For two years I suffered with intense stomach pains, got constantly misdiagnosed, and turns out it was gallstones the size of golf balls. I am no longer a proud owner of a gall bladder.
8. I'm obsessed with music, I will spend countless hours on itunes searching for new music or new artists, or if I hear a song on a TV show, I will shazam it and learn everything I can about the song and the artist.
9. I suffer with Bipolar disorder type 1, and I have severe anxiety. It's really hard for me to keep friends because I get really irritated, and I will come up with reasons as to why I no longer want to be friends with them and I will cut off all contact.
10. I love Big Brother.
11. I've met Selena Gomez!
12. I once waiting twelve hours outside a venue for a 5SOS concert. Five words: Freezing cold and worth it.
13. I saw One Direction and 5SOS at Soldier Field in August!
14. I plan to be a writer.
15. I am currently a hundred pages into my novel... (:
16. I truly believe in doing something you love. I quit my job at a retail store because I was so depressed and it was an abusive environment. 
17. I am really good at doing hairstyles, I did my hair for prom along with my friends hair.
18. Braids are my specialty! I learned how to french braid in physics class, I sat all the way in the back with my friend, and I would just do her hair until it came out like I wanted it to.
19. My longest friendship has lasted about 11 years or so.
20. I became close friends with my bully in sixth grade, she would pick on me, but I would also get revenge. It was a love hate relationship.
21. I've never had a boyfriend.
22. I don't want kids, I've never seen myself as the mother type. But I love my little niece Sophie!
23. I'm an atheist.
24. If I have something to do like go somewhere to get something, I will spend days getting ready and planning everything out.
25. The worst feeling in the world for me is when my legs fall asleep.
26. I love concerts, but recently with my anxiety worsening, I have to be a bit far away from the crowd because I will start panicking.
27. My favorite show of all time would have to be How I Met Your Mother, but it's close with Grey's Anatomy.
28. I cry with emotional movies or shows or trailers or videos! But other than that, I'm usually a composed person.
29. I'm obsessed with serial killers, when I was going into my senior year, we got to talk to an ex police chief who helped catch John Wayne Gacy, the highlight of my summer.
30. I didn't learn to drive until August 20th, 2013. I was terrified of the road and honestly, I hate being in control.
31. I got my license October 1st. Couple of days later, I drove all the way to downtown Chicago to go meet YouTubers.
32. I've met O2L, Andrea Russett, Anna Russett, and Jennxpenn, Ryan Beatty, MKTO, The Summer Set, The Cab, Paradise Fears, Rocky Loves Emily, and Frankie Grande
33. In 2012, I think, I met my friend Jack, a drummer who I had subscribed to on YouTube, at a Ryan Beatty concert. Later, I convinced him to get on Twitter!
34. I thank @TheDylanHolland for introducing me to my best friend three years ago via twitter!
35. My favorite bands right now are Misterwives and TwentyOnePilots.
36. I will be seeing both those bands in October.
37. When I was home sick, Willow Shields, AKA PRIMROSE EVERDEEN, tweeted me to feel better.
38. In June I met one of my friends from the UK, and it was a surreal experience!
39. Also in June, I also made the transition from Samsung Galaxy to the iPhone. I love my phone.
40. My favorite movie is ALL OF THE HARRY POTTER MOVIES.
41. I love reading.
42. I have over 300 books in my kindle, um, no I have not read them all, most of them were free.I have an obsession.
43. First book that ever caught my attention was To Kill A Mockingbird
44. First book that I read outside of the classroom that caught my attention was Perfect Chemistry, the Wake Series, or The Hunger Games series, my teacher recommended them all to me.
45. In my Lit Seminar my senior year, I finished all my assignments in about three weeks, it was a reading class and I read fifteen books in that class. This was also around the time I got my Kindle.
46. I never really ate McDonalds until I was like eleven. My parents hated eating out, so it was a treat when we would go to any fast food restaurant.
47. I love Hot Cheetohs, I will never quit them.
48. I hate ketchup and mayo, and salad dressing. I'm the pickiest person ever.
49. I once forced myself to try and train myself to eat and like mayonnaise on my sandwiches. I threw up three days later.
50. Lastly, I'm allergic to seafood.

I hope you guys liked this! It was fun having to try to come up with things, there were a lot of things I forgot, haha.

Have a good day!

-Rebeca

1D and 5SOS in Chicago!

Last weekend I saw One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer at the Soldier Field Stadium in Chicago, and let me tell you...they were amazing.

But first let me tell you about my little adventure, I mean this has been an eight month wait to see all of these boys! 

I've never had any trouble driving to Chicago, I go to the city about once a month, or more depending on what I am there to do. Usually, I take the train if I'm going there to visit friends who have come into town or just to go shopping. But if I'm going to a concert, I find a parking garage close by and drive there. It's more convenient for me, especially since I won't have to worry about walking to a train station at night.

Since my sister refused to ditch school so we could get there a bit earlier, we didn't get to leave my house until 4, then we went to go get her pizza so she could eat, and then put her paycheck in the bank. I was very stressed when we finally were heading to the concert. 

The drive never takes more than an hour, but I didn't take to account the fact that there would be 50,000 people at this stadium. That meant people were coming out of town...

It took us two hours to finally get through traffic and get into the city, then we parked at parking lot. I paid 5 dollars, and I thought "oh, we can totally just walk a mile and a half, no problem!"

There were no cabs, but there were groups of people walking toward the stadium. We just followed them, and two blisters later and half an hour walk, we finally got to the stadium.

I have never been so relieved. Turns out that 5SOS wasn't coming on until almost 7:30, so we didn't miss anything.

My sister and I got different seats because the tickets went out FAST. We took what we could get, and I was sitting in 105, and she was sitting in 108. Our seats were very good.

5SOS opened up and they were amazing. It was the second time I was seeing them live, and I was fangirling and singing and screaming.

About halfway through, I heard my name, and my sister was calling me. She was with her friends, and turns out her friend had two extra tickets in section 104, and I went with them and 5SOS finished performing.

 Originally how close I was to the stage (105).

 Luke. AKA Sex God.

 Ashton. OMFG.

 Ashton AGAIN.

 This was when I moved. AND CALUM<3

And Michael<3

5SOS did an amazing show then it was now One Directions turn! I have been waiting three years to see these boys, and I lost my voice the first minute they came out. But I was still rocking, and crying.

My sister and I at the concert right before One Direction came out.

I will never forget this concert. Especially the time Harry came over to my side and.... lol

We also wished/sang Liam a Happy Birthday!

I will never forget this concert. Especially the time Harry came over to my side and.... lol

OMFG.

Then we had a brutal walk back to the car, and we went home. Next day was amazing too, but I didn't take pictures. I just wanted to enjoy it, and it was amazing. (:

-Becky