Loving yourself is the hardest thing you can do...

Having dealt with depression most of my life, I never realized what it was like to love myself until a few years ago.

I knew how to hate myself, that I had no problem with.

There was this year, between the hospital and then therapy, that something clicked in my mind. I was seventeen, and really sick of just being sad.

I knew there wasn't a way I could just turn off my depression, it would always be there, but maybe I could divert it.

Here are some things I learned in therapy, and some stuff I learned after therapy.

1. Learn what you like about yourself: One thing I could remember that I liked about myself back then was how much I liked writing. I wrote a few pieces every now and then, but I was proud of them because I had written them.

2. Learning to give myself a break: There's no harsher critic than yourself. In school, I felt as if I had to be the best at everything. When I wasn't, that's when all the dark thoughts and feelings came creeping in, so I had to learn to tell myself...It's okay.

3. Learn who the enemy is: Depression is the enemy. It is this black dog trying to keep you down, trying to make you feel as if you're the only who feels that way.

4. Love: It could be loving to write, or falling in love with a person, or fall in love with storms. Whatever you can find, love it, and hold on to it. I really love writing, and hate leaving stories unfinished. I fall in love with my characters and with the thought that only I could finish their stories. That keeps me going most days.

5. Learn your goals: If you have goals...you have a future. My goal is to be a published author, and I think about that everyday. I write to work towards that goal.

6. Love yourself: There are some things only you can do. Think about this world without you, think about all that people that love you, and can't live without you. I can't really tell you how to love yourself. One thing that worked for me, was looking at myself in the mirror in the bathroom and saying it out loud. Say out loud things you love about yourself, and eventually you'll start to believe them.

I'm writing this during a thunderstorm, so I'm going to spend my day indoors writing my new story, and drinking tea, oh and listening to the Grease Live and Legally Blonde The Musical soundtrack, it's amazing!

Hope you guys have a great February, filled with love and happiness!

Rebeca xx

Paying It Forward

I'm a big believer of doing everything you can to help someone and putting good thoughts, feelings, and actions out into the world.

I grew up in lower middle class, at one point in my life, I remember living in a basement with cockroaches and mice, and it wasn't our first home with those problems. I know what it's like to want something, but not asking for it because my parent's cannot afford it, even though they would do their best to give me what I want.

When I moved to the town that I live in now, I remember feeling left out. Sure we lived in a house, but I felt like that girl who came from a poor neighborhood all the time. I never really had dolls, I got my first doll when I was about nine, or something, and it was a Bratz doll, and I wanted it because my neighbor had a ton.

Over the years, I've learned to appreciate what I have. I often travel to Downtown Chicago, and I used to get sad all the time from seeing homeless people. I still get sad, but now I've chosen to do something about it.

I always carry a lot of spare change in my bag, mostly because I hate using it and it just accumilates. Every time I go to Chicago, I just give it to homeless people.
I know some of you may say that, I don't know if these people are going to buy drugs for themselves, or what they're going to do with the money they get. That's true, but I have faith in people.
Also, I often eat out in Chicago, and sometimes I get food at the train station or on the way to the train station. I always buy extra, and I give out food to the homeless.
It's always rewarding to see how happy they get when I offer them food. That's one way to ensure they're not going to spend the money on something bad.

What inspired me to write this post today was this video

It represents how one action can influence another action, and it can just keep going and going. Paying it forward. It really doesn't matter how big or small this action is, it's just the fact that you do something to keep it going.
I hope this put a little light in your day. Enjoy your Tuesday.
-Rebeca x

October Photo Challenge

Today me and my friend Myriam were talking earlier and we decided to make up a photo a day challenge for October since Fall is our favorite season! We came up with ideas and we'd be happy to see others do it as well. It doesn't have to go in order, feel free to change it up and make it your own!

Follow us on instagram: MyriamHarveyy

beckylove64

We'll be posting our photo a day challenge on there! Hope you enjoy (:

50 Facts About Me

Good afternoon readers!
It's Sunday and I've spent half my day just watching YouTube videos, and I was trying to think of an idea for a blog post. Finally, I managed to get to Katie Joslin's YouTube and I saw she recently posted a video listing 50 facts about herself, and I thought it would be a fun way to get to know me! Do subscribe to Katie, she is awesome and I really love her channel!
Enjoy!

1. My name is Rebeca
2. I'm 19
3. I graduated high school in 2013
4. I used to be part of a social media street team called the A-Team (not named after Ed Sheeran's song). I would spend countless hours tweeting and spreading word of upcoming artists, and it's where I met some of my closest friends (TOMI)
5. When I was in 6th grade I won tickets to a Chris Brown concert and I went even though I did not know more than three songs of his.
6. In January, I won tickets to see Fall Out Boy and Paramore in concert, it was amazing cause it was like a birthday present since my birthday was the next day after the concert.
7. For two years I suffered with intense stomach pains, got constantly misdiagnosed, and turns out it was gallstones the size of golf balls. I am no longer a proud owner of a gall bladder.
8. I'm obsessed with music, I will spend countless hours on itunes searching for new music or new artists, or if I hear a song on a TV show, I will shazam it and learn everything I can about the song and the artist.
9. I suffer with Bipolar disorder type 1, and I have severe anxiety. It's really hard for me to keep friends because I get really irritated, and I will come up with reasons as to why I no longer want to be friends with them and I will cut off all contact.
10. I love Big Brother.
11. I've met Selena Gomez!
12. I once waiting twelve hours outside a venue for a 5SOS concert. Five words: Freezing cold and worth it.
13. I saw One Direction and 5SOS at Soldier Field in August!
14. I plan to be a writer.
15. I am currently a hundred pages into my novel... (:
16. I truly believe in doing something you love. I quit my job at a retail store because I was so depressed and it was an abusive environment. 
17. I am really good at doing hairstyles, I did my hair for prom along with my friends hair.
18. Braids are my specialty! I learned how to french braid in physics class, I sat all the way in the back with my friend, and I would just do her hair until it came out like I wanted it to.
19. My longest friendship has lasted about 11 years or so.
20. I became close friends with my bully in sixth grade, she would pick on me, but I would also get revenge. It was a love hate relationship.
21. I've never had a boyfriend.
22. I don't want kids, I've never seen myself as the mother type. But I love my little niece Sophie!
23. I'm an atheist.
24. If I have something to do like go somewhere to get something, I will spend days getting ready and planning everything out.
25. The worst feeling in the world for me is when my legs fall asleep.
26. I love concerts, but recently with my anxiety worsening, I have to be a bit far away from the crowd because I will start panicking.
27. My favorite show of all time would have to be How I Met Your Mother, but it's close with Grey's Anatomy.
28. I cry with emotional movies or shows or trailers or videos! But other than that, I'm usually a composed person.
29. I'm obsessed with serial killers, when I was going into my senior year, we got to talk to an ex police chief who helped catch John Wayne Gacy, the highlight of my summer.
30. I didn't learn to drive until August 20th, 2013. I was terrified of the road and honestly, I hate being in control.
31. I got my license October 1st. Couple of days later, I drove all the way to downtown Chicago to go meet YouTubers.
32. I've met O2L, Andrea Russett, Anna Russett, and Jennxpenn, Ryan Beatty, MKTO, The Summer Set, The Cab, Paradise Fears, Rocky Loves Emily, and Frankie Grande
33. In 2012, I think, I met my friend Jack, a drummer who I had subscribed to on YouTube, at a Ryan Beatty concert. Later, I convinced him to get on Twitter!
34. I thank @TheDylanHolland for introducing me to my best friend three years ago via twitter!
35. My favorite bands right now are Misterwives and TwentyOnePilots.
36. I will be seeing both those bands in October.
37. When I was home sick, Willow Shields, AKA PRIMROSE EVERDEEN, tweeted me to feel better.
38. In June I met one of my friends from the UK, and it was a surreal experience!
39. Also in June, I also made the transition from Samsung Galaxy to the iPhone. I love my phone.
40. My favorite movie is ALL OF THE HARRY POTTER MOVIES.
41. I love reading.
42. I have over 300 books in my kindle, um, no I have not read them all, most of them were free.I have an obsession.
43. First book that ever caught my attention was To Kill A Mockingbird
44. First book that I read outside of the classroom that caught my attention was Perfect Chemistry, the Wake Series, or The Hunger Games series, my teacher recommended them all to me.
45. In my Lit Seminar my senior year, I finished all my assignments in about three weeks, it was a reading class and I read fifteen books in that class. This was also around the time I got my Kindle.
46. I never really ate McDonalds until I was like eleven. My parents hated eating out, so it was a treat when we would go to any fast food restaurant.
47. I love Hot Cheetohs, I will never quit them.
48. I hate ketchup and mayo, and salad dressing. I'm the pickiest person ever.
49. I once forced myself to try and train myself to eat and like mayonnaise on my sandwiches. I threw up three days later.
50. Lastly, I'm allergic to seafood.

I hope you guys liked this! It was fun having to try to come up with things, there were a lot of things I forgot, haha.

Have a good day!

-Rebeca

1D and 5SOS in Chicago!

Last weekend I saw One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer at the Soldier Field Stadium in Chicago, and let me tell you...they were amazing.

But first let me tell you about my little adventure, I mean this has been an eight month wait to see all of these boys! 

I've never had any trouble driving to Chicago, I go to the city about once a month, or more depending on what I am there to do. Usually, I take the train if I'm going there to visit friends who have come into town or just to go shopping. But if I'm going to a concert, I find a parking garage close by and drive there. It's more convenient for me, especially since I won't have to worry about walking to a train station at night.

Since my sister refused to ditch school so we could get there a bit earlier, we didn't get to leave my house until 4, then we went to go get her pizza so she could eat, and then put her paycheck in the bank. I was very stressed when we finally were heading to the concert. 

The drive never takes more than an hour, but I didn't take to account the fact that there would be 50,000 people at this stadium. That meant people were coming out of town...

It took us two hours to finally get through traffic and get into the city, then we parked at parking lot. I paid 5 dollars, and I thought "oh, we can totally just walk a mile and a half, no problem!"

There were no cabs, but there were groups of people walking toward the stadium. We just followed them, and two blisters later and half an hour walk, we finally got to the stadium.

I have never been so relieved. Turns out that 5SOS wasn't coming on until almost 7:30, so we didn't miss anything.

My sister and I got different seats because the tickets went out FAST. We took what we could get, and I was sitting in 105, and she was sitting in 108. Our seats were very good.

5SOS opened up and they were amazing. It was the second time I was seeing them live, and I was fangirling and singing and screaming.

About halfway through, I heard my name, and my sister was calling me. She was with her friends, and turns out her friend had two extra tickets in section 104, and I went with them and 5SOS finished performing.

 Originally how close I was to the stage (105).

 Luke. AKA Sex God.

 Ashton. OMFG.

 Ashton AGAIN.

 This was when I moved. AND CALUM<3

And Michael<3

5SOS did an amazing show then it was now One Directions turn! I have been waiting three years to see these boys, and I lost my voice the first minute they came out. But I was still rocking, and crying.

My sister and I at the concert right before One Direction came out.

I will never forget this concert. Especially the time Harry came over to my side and.... lol

We also wished/sang Liam a Happy Birthday!

I will never forget this concert. Especially the time Harry came over to my side and.... lol

OMFG.

Then we had a brutal walk back to the car, and we went home. Next day was amazing too, but I didn't take pictures. I just wanted to enjoy it, and it was amazing. (:

-Becky