Loving yourself is the hardest thing you can do...

Having dealt with depression most of my life, I never realized what it was like to love myself until a few years ago.

I knew how to hate myself, that I had no problem with.

There was this year, between the hospital and then therapy, that something clicked in my mind. I was seventeen, and really sick of just being sad.

I knew there wasn't a way I could just turn off my depression, it would always be there, but maybe I could divert it.

Here are some things I learned in therapy, and some stuff I learned after therapy.

1. Learn what you like about yourself: One thing I could remember that I liked about myself back then was how much I liked writing. I wrote a few pieces every now and then, but I was proud of them because I had written them.

2. Learning to give myself a break: There's no harsher critic than yourself. In school, I felt as if I had to be the best at everything. When I wasn't, that's when all the dark thoughts and feelings came creeping in, so I had to learn to tell myself...It's okay.

3. Learn who the enemy is: Depression is the enemy. It is this black dog trying to keep you down, trying to make you feel as if you're the only who feels that way.

4. Love: It could be loving to write, or falling in love with a person, or fall in love with storms. Whatever you can find, love it, and hold on to it. I really love writing, and hate leaving stories unfinished. I fall in love with my characters and with the thought that only I could finish their stories. That keeps me going most days.

5. Learn your goals: If you have goals...you have a future. My goal is to be a published author, and I think about that everyday. I write to work towards that goal.

6. Love yourself: There are some things only you can do. Think about this world without you, think about all that people that love you, and can't live without you. I can't really tell you how to love yourself. One thing that worked for me, was looking at myself in the mirror in the bathroom and saying it out loud. Say out loud things you love about yourself, and eventually you'll start to believe them.

I'm writing this during a thunderstorm, so I'm going to spend my day indoors writing my new story, and drinking tea, oh and listening to the Grease Live and Legally Blonde The Musical soundtrack, it's amazing!

Hope you guys have a great February, filled with love and happiness!

Rebeca xx

A milestone...turning 20

I turned 20 this last weekend, on Sunday to be exact.

This is it.

The end of my teen years. a moment I never thought I was even going to get to.

What am I now?

I'm no longer a teen. Not technically an adult, that's 21. It's scary, now I feel like I have a bunch of things I have to get done.

Boyfriend?
Marriage?
Children?
Real job?

I mean, this is sort of the beginning of my life, the last 20years have all been in preparation for this.

But you know what?

Fuck it.

I'm going to do what is necessary for me to be happy. Whether that be writing or finding a great guy to be with. Whatever I need to do.

Sorry that it's been two months since I wrote anything, but I promise (like I always do lol) I'm going to do my best to write more on here.

And sorry again for the shortness of this post, promise to write more soon.

October Photo Challenge

Today me and my friend Myriam were talking earlier and we decided to make up a photo a day challenge for October since Fall is our favorite season! We came up with ideas and we'd be happy to see others do it as well. It doesn't have to go in order, feel free to change it up and make it your own!

Follow us on instagram: MyriamHarveyy

beckylove64

We'll be posting our photo a day challenge on there! Hope you enjoy (:

How I Met Your Mother...

I understand this post is 6 months too late, but it's that time of year that all the shows come back on air and I got to thinking about one of my favorite shows to have ever air...How I Met Your Mother. I thought about how it will never come back on CBS, and how I'm so going to binge watch it on Netflix until my eyes are swollen shut from all the crying.

That will be me.
How I Met Your Mother has changed my life. I was sixteen when I started to watch it, I caught it on the hospital TV when I was there for a week for surgery. It was on very late, but from what I saw it was funny and emotional and raw.
It wasn't until my senior year of high school that I really got into it, it was also around the time I got Netflix!
Although I wasn't the age these characters were, I found myself relating to them on many levels. The episode where Lily applies to an art school, and then takes the scholarship, she reminds me so much of me and others.
I'm 19 now and I have no idea what I want to do. I will be dead set on a path, up until I get to the point where I actually have to go through with it. Then I will get worried. Have I taken enough risks in life, or have I played it safe? The next quote is life because I think almost everyone has this moment where they think this.
"Lily: OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake.' So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not. And dammit, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this; my life, my relationship, my career, mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?"
Just take that all in because it will make sense.
I never wanted that… Of course, it’s one thing not to want something; it’s another to be told you can’t have it. I guess it’s just nice knowing that you could someday do it if you change your mind. But now, all of a sudden, that door is closed. Robin
Just reading this quote, it doesn't mention something specific but something comes to mind when you read this.
Robin is talking about having children, it's when she's learned that she can't have any children...ever. 
I cried during this episode. I understood what Robin was thinking, I am not infertile, but if I ever want to have children, it will be extremely difficult. I don't want children, I've never seen myself as the mother-type, but like Robin, it was comforting to know that if I ever changed my mind...

You can’t just skip ahead to where you think your life should be. It doesn’t work that way.

Lily 

True that Lily. We have to go through certain things to get where we are going and everything happens for a reason.

There were a lot of life lessons in HIMYM. It was like a teacher for me and boy did I learn a lot. Here are just a few things I learned...

“But, love doesn’t make sense … You can’t logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical. But we have to keep doing it or else we’re lost and love is dead and humanity should just pack it in. Because love is the best thing we do. I know that sounds cheesy but it’s just true.”

You will be shocked kids when you’ll discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That’s why, when you find someone you wanna keep around, you do something about it.

Future Ted

This is where I'll  leave you, I hope you guys enjoy this post. (: